she lives.....call it life?

Frozen in time capsule
that twelve year old, shrieks
of pains untold, fangs cutting deeper
injecting severe reality
deep in her nerves.

Death, Divorce, Drama of life
diverting all drains of happiness
away from her existence;
deserted in dreary desert of life
she thrives.

Tears, drops of piercing pain
her constant accomplice
in sadness and life alike
flows in anguished rivulets
flooding her total existence.

I MISS MY DAUGHTERS

Mama,she says,starts singing the 'waving flag' as if the world cup fever just got started. Tears sting my eyes, it flows unchecked, she continues singing. My eyes are red and she looks up innocently and askes me, "mama, why are you crying?" I shed more tears. "Don't cry.When you reach back home, you won't recognise me." she raises herself on her toes to tell me that she will be taller than she is now.I laugh.

My daughter, my angel who taught me to laugh in the saddest hour and who made me shed tears in the most happiest hour. Since the time I concieved her, I made a understanding with the heavens above that my death will be put on hold till the time I see her fully settled in life. I would write letters to her, telling about the progress we made each month of our togetherness.
My days were never the same after she came in my world. I found reasons to live life in a different way. My nights would be filled with songs she made me sing. Now looking at her, through the monitor, I see our roles has reversed, she sings now and I listen. When I shed tears, she consoles me; when I am down, she plays the clown so that I can laugh.

How much time has elapsed since I craddled her in the nook of my arms; how her rosy innocence is blooming into the sweet essence of girlish charm. How I long to look up to catch her eyes and feel her hug me with gentle care. How I long to run after her in the meadow of dreams where winds carry the messages of love to the heavens above.

Dear daughter, what do I write to tell you how much your mama misses you.

OF DREAMS AND REALITY

Well hidded behind my lips
lies thousand unspoken dreams,
and buried deep within my heart
is all the prayers
for these dreams I've dreamt.

Infront of my eyes
lies the harsh reality,
feelings that tarnish
all truth of the dreams
I've dreamt with care.

Now, struck like a stranger
in my own being,
I wander like a vagabond
with no dreams as companion
and no courage to face reality.

HAPPINESS

HAPPINESS, is a strange emotion
you don't realize its life
until its death occurs.

You seek for it all lives through
yet when you've it
you hardly notice it.

But when it leaves you
there is a big viod
that nothing can fill.

And if you realize you've it
there is an extra thirst
for the more you have it, more you want.

Happiness is like a drug
it numbs all your senses
and encloses all your being in it.

Euphoric Feelings

Some lives are lived waiting for the right moments to alight, and some are lived in expectation of something new, but the life that is lived with what you are bestowed with is the blessed of all lives. I can't say I am the most blessed of the human kind, but today I feel blessed indeed. Living life in the ecstasy of feelings truly felt from the heart is one that keeps me alive even when the harsh storms of sorrows tend to blow my entire soul.
Yet! moments such as this, the silence....the unspoken messages spoken in few beats of heartbeat. Only my heart understands the song played by your heart and I know its this song that makes me dance to your tune. I dance like crazy being, mesmerised by your gesture of love and live for yet another turmoil filled life in the ecstasy of our love.
Love, Lets say, we are divine for the way we love eachother is divine. No mortals can ever decipher the strange language that our heart speaks. it is a language spoken by many but truly lived by our hearts.
Wow! this almost feels like the high school days, silently lighting a torch inside the blanket and writing lovenotes, well protected under the blanket. people might say I'm too old for love but I guess love knows no age, it is for old and young alike.I can hear the echo of love once again resounding the empty spaces created by life in its course.

Epistle of forgotten dreams

24th Aug, 2010

Dear Selden,
Feels like ages have gone since I last sat down to write this letter to you, but something terrible happened and I had to take a break from writing the letters.I don't want to burden you with the details of the tragedy that struck me but these past few days I thought of you more than ever. I wanted to put my head on your lap and cry my tears dry, hoping you would take me in your arms to asssure me that life is a melting pot of all such tragedies and achievements. I wanted your soothing words to calm my senses. I know when you hear this your heart will cry and you will want to rip yourself apart for not being near me in my terrible times. But its ok dear, I know if you ever hear of my grief, you'll just leave everything that holds you to just reach near me and hold my hands.
Holding hands! Ah! don't I know the ecstacy of the warmth of your soft hands? Many a times during our school time, I would dream of holding those soft hands forever and sometimes the perfume of those hands would linger even when I actually got up from my dream. I can never forget the time that dream actually came true. It was lunch time, do you remember? So unsure of my steps, I jostled with nervousness to dare to lift my hands to hold yours. It took a mighty energy to take that step and when I actually took those hands in mine, my god! now I understand what people mean by heavenly feeling! Wow! still now I can feel that softness! After I went back, I looked at my hands with admiration as if they had performed world's greatest feat. I didn't wash my hands that entire day. Given the choice I would have wanted to keep my hands unwashed forever but I got the sniggering glances from my friends who guessed my plight after witnessing my rendezvous with my hands long into the dead of the night. So the next morning I had to sadly wash my hands, but I tell you the scent remained and even now I can actually get the whiff of that scent.
Enough of my hands now, I can almost hear you say, so dear madam, let me rest my story about your hands for now.
I'll get back to you later,

Wangyel

The moment

Listen! I still hear the tiny bells
tinkling in the chambers of love
deep in my heart; they sing
of our fingers that clasped, unclasped
and clasped again, with tremor
of love felt so deeply and truly.

Look! I still see the tiny patch
of coyness, deep red coyness
imprinted on my cheek, the shy mark
of love your lips left behind
in the dark alley of togetherness
which heavens had planned for us.

We met, we loved, blessed that hour,
when death takes me away
I know I shall still hear
the tiny bells deep in my heart
louder than ever;
and the coy mark you left behind
will glow its brightest red ever.

HATRED

Distant cousin of love
living in its backyard,
ready to pounce
as soon as love leaves.

Most powerful of all feelings
can make one's blood boil
turns friends to foe
and puts the world upside down.

Fiendish feeling, one can't help but feel
nurse it, grows in leaps and bounds
hide it, makes you peevish and gray
show it, deprives you of all things good.

Dump it, that you can't
for it lives in the backyard of love
and pounces on you
as soon as love leaves you alone.

Grief

An anguished heart that was shattered into thousand pieces made a pact with the wind and the wind decided to carry a piecewith it every time it blew to a new direction. One day, a small piece of the heart was blowing with the wind, silently sighing with the rustle of the leaves when it reached an unknown place. It was a cloudless hot scorching sun and no soul walked on the earth. The heart (that small piece) made this deserted place its home and started living there. People from the neighbouring area heard an unusual melody being blown in by the wind. Everytime it passed near them, time halted and every person waited to hear the melody. But as soon as the wind direction changed, people forgot all about the song and the tears it made them shed.
Such is the story of grief, it strikes all heart but it doesn't linger in any heart for long. This time it has struck my heart but I know I've to wait for the wind to blow it in the different direction when the season changes.But when will the season change? How long does it take for the season of the heart to change? A lifetime?

My final wish

I just wish for a smile
to submerge all my sorrows in;
just ask for a kind word
to spread on my scalded heart;
want to have a tender look
to rekindle my life
and want to live my life
in a new fashion altogether.

The typhoon of grief whirled around
uprooted my soul from its core,
and then when death knocked on my door
I smiled, and let it in.
Ttender death,most tender of all sorrows
come take me to your heaven.

THE END

The light gets fainter, more blurred
I feel the coldness that holds me;
The starlit night adorned our love
As we laid with even love,
You smiled your way into my heart.
Smile- that wicked grin, thine smile
Of late, that smile ‘as submerged
And a cold glare fills its space.

Dear, as you sit next to me
I feel thy body, cold and hard
Wherefore art that warmth gone
Where those affections?

Night is cold, so is the air
And thine own love;
The coldness has taken over
Love, I shalt leave thee.
Merry be thy world then
Merrier thy sentiments.
When spring shalt sow
Love’s bud will emerge within
No! seek me not, I’m gone
Alongwith the coldness thou hast shown.

The unreachable Nearness

Grooped in the darkness of the night
I gaze out of my wee li’l window
Tiny twinkling lights adorn it;
The stars are on my window
I feel I can touch it,
I raise my hand to feel blankness
Near, yet! Unreachable.

I glance down, fireflies dance merrily
The beauty entangles my total concentration,
I join them in their dance
But they disappear all at once
Near, yet! Unreachable.
On the other side of my bed
Lays my Lord in slumber
His lips parted, a message left unspoken
I draw near to him
But he continues to be lost in dreams
Near, yet! Unreachable.