Waiting for you

Hurt me, hit me, hell make my place;
yell at me,mock my presence
detest my world, call me names
spread rumours, falsify me in the eyes
of God and people around me.

Taunt me, shred my heart into pieces
shatter my world, break all promises
leave all wounds in heart and soul;
make tears my constant companion
let me die a new death each day.

But one day, there will be a sun
peeping through the viel of unknown force
allowing you to see the truth
of my weeping world
and the honesty with which
I gave you my heart and my soul.

Dreams

Go I must one day
and I know you'll too;
But before you leave me
and my world,
I give to you my world
woven with intricate dreams.

Dreams of love abound
of hopes renewed,lives relived
of dreams rebuilt
of truth retold, of hearts reunited
of feelings felt again.

I give you all those dreams
and sprinkle over it a new world
of more love, more truth
more life and a new reason to live all over again.

I hate my kids

I Hate My Kids for:
Moving on in my absence
not missing me like I miss them
not crying silently in the dead of the night
thinking of things I do.

Not clutching my clothes
and try to sniff me through the fabric;
not holding my books
like I touch their toys
trying to trace the invisible fingers
that clutched those lovingly.

Not making their eyes sore
and their nose red
sniffing silently,submerging the silent sobs
in the ocean of wishful thinking
wishing the to harness the anchor
in the harbour of togetherness.

feelings

A kind smile, a caring heart, an honest conversation is all it takes to win somebody’s heart. But the journey into the heart of another person is not as simple as it sounds.
The journey into that heart depends on the thoughts and feelings of the other person. Yet! Your own feelings aren’t at the whim and fancy of the other person; if it happens so then you are not true to your own heart. Say, you learn that the other person doesn’t feel the way you want, should it change the way you feel? No, definitely not. If it changes then the feelings are not yours but belong to that person. Say, I am happy and I want to share my happiness with another person but that person doesn’t see it as happiness. Does it cease to be the same? It doesn’t, right? So why should any of your other feelings change?
Be it hatred, love, anger, jealousy, name any feelings one feels…..it should never change just because the other person doesn’t see it in that light.

LOVE

I remember my friend Karuna w ho used to say,’ one is never too late to fall in love.’ Back then I used to mock at the absurdity of the tone of her statement but today as I sit remembering her, I see the truth and the wisdom of her line.
Love, to me is not a two way traffic, for me there is nothing called unrequited love. Love is a feeling built in the heaven where flowers lent the freshest of their fragrance and Mother Nature filled it with the most colorful colors from her larder.
Love, when felt in anticipation of acceptance from the other end is plain longing, or if deeper than that, it has to be desire or if still deeper, then it has to be avarice.
Love, is not the hope for togetherness. It isn’t about owning each other. It isn’t reciprocal of what the other feels for you. It doesn’t have a beginning nor does it have an ending. Love is not a race, to have starting point or ending point. Love isn’t a pact that should bind one to the other.
Love is the purest of all feelings which comes free of all other complimentary feelings. There is no free packaged gift with it. You love me and I’ll offer you something in return; if this is the understanding then its plain business and nothing else.
So, if you ever feel something tugging in you heart, yet you find yourself not expecting anything in return….that’s LOVE!

Don't give me!

Don't give me tears
I may not know how to swim
away from the whirlpool of sorrows.

Don't give me sighs
I may not know how to shield
myself from the typhoon of emotions.

Don't give me rage
I may not know how to remain rooted
in the storm of wailing heart.

Don't give me empty promises
I may not find way back
from the desert of rejection.

You give me.....N I'll give u

I promise you:

You give me one sunset
and I'll give you thousand sun rises;

you give me one song
and I'll give you thousand music;

you give me one movement
and I'll give you thousand dances;

You give me one dream
and I'll give you thousand moments;

you give me a thought
and I'll give you thousand imaginations;

You give me one image
and I'll give you thousand pictures;

You give me one love
and I'll give you......
well! love that will last for thousand ages!

I'll come to you

Before the rain ceases to fall
and the sun forgets its track;
Before life sends me to its doom
and death embraces me with its fangs
I'll come to you.

Before the flowers wilts
and the streams dry up;
before clouds turn black
and the birds stop singing
I'll come to you.

Before the wind halts in its path
and the deserts starts having rains;
before the oceans dry up
and the sky hangs upside down
I'll come to you.

Before the world ends
my wish should reach its bends.

Picture Perfect

I am a camera shy person or maybe I should say the camera makes me a shy person. I've gone a clicking, smiling the best of my smiles, trying to look the best of my appearance but when the snapshot eventually lands up in my hands I feel like ripping it apart because I never look the way I want to look in the photograph. But it isn't the fault with the camera nor the fault of the hand pressing on the button, the entire fault lies with my being. There are times, when I silently sit in front of the altar in the mornings and ask God to grant me a beautiful look that will send loving glances towards me whenever I walk past people. There are nights when I dream that I actually get up in the morning looking like a princess. But the image that greets me every morning in the bathroom is of the same dejected, rejected being splashing water as if the drops would splash away all ugliness from that face. Every mirror I pass through, even the glasses of the showcase around the dingy bars where you can see your hazy image I see myself peering into it as if hoping for a transformation to have happened in the few seconds I missed seeing myself.
People who know me might be thinking of me as some really obnoxious being so much filled with myself and nothing else but what they don't know is that when I caste those looks at myself, I am actually checking on myself and waiting for that picture perfect moment.

Hope

When the days are dark and dismal
when shadow's all that envelops your world;
when tears becomes your constant companion
when life sheds its harshest weather
when it rains in your heart
when everything is set against you;

A tiny something flutters deep
down in the gutters of one heart.
It's one thing that remains perpetually
in the core of the hardest being
as well as the softest of the creature,
this thing called HOPE.

HOPE gives one the reason
to continue living when death
has knocked one cold and hard;
gives one the blanket of assurance
when the cold bare truth hurts one;
makes one smile amidst tears.

What do I do I know not!

Do I not cry when tears sting my eyes and find their way down my cheeks eroding all trace of small joys hidden in the pores of my being? Do I not sigh with pain piercing deep in my heart? Do I not crease my forehead into deep furrows of anguish when people hurt the inner core of my existence?
My existence is a shadow, a dark shadow and all I perceive around me is darkness, blinding darkness of sorrows buried so deep that no imaginations of joy can uproot that.
There are times when my selfish self awakens from its deep slumber and propels me to carry out task my conscience would never approve of. But why do people forget that I am just a human being and I’ve the basic human urge….of acceptance and greed for happiness.
I’ve gone a-begging for happiness at the doorstep of God; he gave me a small purse and told me not to open it till I met someone who would shed same tears as mine.
Well God, I am still searching for that ocean of tears to send my tears of anguish so that I can eventually get what you always planned to give me. Till then, I guess I have to continue shedding the tears I am supposed to shed.