My Love

No, I don’t want to own you but there are times when I want to steal you away from reality and find you a cozy place in my dreams. I’ll then go to heaven above and ask God to lend few twinkling stars and the mighty silvery moon to light up my world of dreams. I know I don’t need these elements from God’s chambers to light up our world and my love is enough to show you the path leading to my heart but I want you to know that my love is worth all the stars and the moon in God’s kingdom.

I can’t ensnare you by weaving a web of words to woo you but I want to write thousand ways in which I love you so that the tiniest of splints can glow brightly with my love and add more sparkle to the land of dreams. I know my love needs no words to prove its worth but I’ll make my words fall like the thousand drizzling drops of rain so that you know how many words I can use just to let you know my heart.

I can’t perform magic to make you love me in the same fashion as I do but I know your heart will feel the magic of love that echoes deep from the well of my heart.  I don’t need any music to glide on, on my way to your heart but the notes of love will give you a ride into the depth of my heart where you shall dwell for eternities with no end.

What am I?

Am I insane
having lost all my mind
walking in the abyss
of forgetfullness?

Am I mad
fuming with anger
delving deeper into the volcano
of boiling emotions?

Am I stupid
easily fooled into emotions
which leaves me more scarred
each time I take a plunge?

Am I completely nuts
jumping from one thought to another
from blank to void thoughts
keeping me occupied with nothing?

Letter to my daughters

Dear li'l Ones,
This is mama here, with eyes unable to latch in the tears of missing the two of you, wishing she was with you guys snoring in that li'l world of ours- holding your tiny fingers; regretting her decision of leaving you all to pursue her dreams of no horizon.
Everyday is a new ordeal for me as I fight hard with my heart not to miss you, my angels. I try myraids of ways to shield my weeping heart from pain. I open my laptop, get locked in conversation who have touched me in their different ways but this talks never soothes the part in my heart where I've made a cozy home for the two of you.
As I sit here typing this, I know two of you are fast asleep unaware of this heart beating in pain, imagining herself beside the two of you, your tiny fingers clasping my fingers tightly. I see the two of you, smiling,playing new tricks you have learnt in my absence, I smile too but as soon as your image fades from the click of a button, I cry thousand galloons of tears remembering each move you made.
'Children are selfish,'one of my friend told me,'they forget you as soon as you are gone from their sight.' But I know somewhere in the dead of the night, in your tiny eyes you hold the dreams of me dancing with you. I know as you put any morsel of food in your mouth, you miss the love in the hands that fed you. In the darkest hour of the night, you miss the warm hands that pressed on your cheek to feel the beauty of our relationship.
Even when away from the two of you I never forget to thank God for giving me the chance to mother the two of you. I feel blessed that I've two of you to hold my hands during my old age but I am sorry dear that right now I am not there to hold your tiny hands. Each moment feels like an eternity of endless eternity and I cry, sighing n sobbing missing you and hating the moment I decided to leave the two of you.
Parents are selfish sometimes but my dear li'l ones you must understand its for the two of you I took this decision but now I am getting the feeling that I must have been insane to think of future when I am missing the best of our present.
Whatever it is, mama misses both of you a lot, I love you my Angels.

Mama.

Hallucination

People who talk of love and the truth of its existence are great liars, there is nothing such as holding on one person for ages. If there is anybody believing in such crap,either the person has to be seriously insane or the winner of the stupid-est whacko.
Dreams are built by ignorant beings who are easily lured by the never meant to be true promises of love. What untimately stands true is the lies walking on the crutches called love. A limping lie can easily walk with the support of the crutches called love. Fools dream and smart people show them these dreams. When the dreams shatter, fools cry and the smart just walk out to the next fool for showing some more dreams.
Love is mere hallucination of eyes weary in life, searching for reason to be made more miserable. Love does exist-in its true form in the heart of fools and in the tongue of the wise. Words can easily become the weapon of the wise to show the invisible path of love which the fool blindly follow like the people who claim to see the naked emperor clothed.
There exists no love unless it dwells in the heart of some poor fool.

Conversation of the seen and unseen!

When we parted in past; you were scared
of things unseen
You said you lost to your own heart, no one to correct you.

Having to make it better;
Living in thoughts was what you did
But I never stepped back once my heart was offered.
I lived in the dreams of reality, lucky me
while you ran away from dreams.

I had no chains to bind you,and still don't have

You say you loved me all this time
 But when I look back in time, out of us
I feel I loved the best.

I knew I had to hold onto you and I did
When you wanted me to free you, I freed you
When you came back I accepted you
as if  I always waited for your return.

And when storms gathered in my ship, I tarried with your thoughts
but a l'il bit of wind
You fear the storm is rolling; you want to escape
when ur ship sinks somewhere again you might seek me
and there you'll find me smiling with all my love
 ever ready to shower you with it
so tell me who loved the best?

There is nothing called best or worst in love,maybe
For you love meant endurance
 but definitely there is weak and strong
You said, may be I was weak but
you did not lose from loving me

But you wavered at the slighest hint of storm
While I withstood tthe deepest of storm
In the tempest, umbrella doesn't work dear
you need to steer clear your way out from the storm

 Though in thougths you were faithful to me
 thoughts are mere hallucination
 gone in a flicker of eyelids.

You never told me to hold on
You never told me of your return
You never gave me any reins of hope
You snapped off all ties with reality when u left
and I a wanderer, got lost in the vast desert of love.

Life was a wind blowing me away from you

I have become senseless since we met again
I never cared for anything
save your love.
This is not wise I know
But I've never wanted to be wise.

The pain

How do you explain:
the pain of missing someone
the ecstacy of loving someone truly
the happiness in being together
the stabbing ache of not having him near
the tears of solitude felt in crowd
the shrieking sorrows of love
the pangs of separation
the dreams unfulfilled
the dreams flowing in tears
how do I explain, how?

HOW DO I NOT LOVE YOU

How do I not love you
sweet love;
you shower me with loving praises
when I'm laying in the draught
of emotions.

How do I not love you
sweet angel;
you always brighten up
your smile
whenever I am sad.

How do I not love you
sweet guardian;
when adversities knock my door
you envelope me
with your soothing words.

How do I not love you
sweet love;
again and again you knock at my heart
with  promises of love

so pure and true.

The same old stories

Tears have flooded the desert, seeped in the sands of fate quenching the dried up thrist of ugly fate. I am just plainly tired of living a life of hopeful hope that slips away everytime I pick up the satin reins of hope. So wishing to give new wings to my failing heart I took a stroll down to the park today.

Hot winds that greeted me the previous day seemed to belong to ages ago as the cold wind of the first day of october pinched me. I realised it was a mistake to come out in my skimpy shorts and t-shirt, but a soul driven out by sorrow cares too less for the outter garments which warms not the wretched inner soul. Undeterred I walked on.

The park although situated in the midst of many roads diverting to various direction invites few guests.Maybe people don't have much time to waste  in the park or it could be people here do not know love. However, I've spent many of my melancholic days there and it gave me solace merely being there. As I went to the bench well hidden in the bushes, where I normally sit to cry away all the tears my sorrow is worth. But today as soon as I kept my heavy body on the bench I heard a sigh that would have set sail a mighty yatch. I landed in turmoil, to sit with my share of agony plus another agonised being or vamoose from there as quickly as possible. I chose the former as I had no face to sit in the other benches which was open to all passing humans and automobiles alike.

"Do you believe in love?" Startled at the strange question of my sobbing stranger neighbor I stood up. Ah! so that's what triggered that query, written in bold letters I BELIEVE IN LOVE with a picture of tiny cupid with his arrow showed on my t-shirt. Of all the days I had to wear that shirt. I wanted to rip open my shirt to tell my neighbor that it was the last feeling on earth that I would ever believe in but given the tearful situation that greeted me, I didn't have the heart to break the already broken heart. "Why do you ask?" was all I could afford.

Then started the journey of love which is nothing different for any person who has walked on the path of romance. She told me how she met her prince charming who stole her heart and soul and made her feel the heaven had come to kiss the earth. The usual twist, they got married and love flew out of the window never to cast second glance back at them.

I wanted to tell her that my heart was in the same whirlpool as hers but I guess every being thinks that one's grief is the most painful. So I allowed her to play the role of the most wretched being alive on earth while my heart wanted to pop out of my being and jump on the stone slab near us and shriek on top of my voice that I am also burning in this same tempest. Thick drops of tears plunged down her cheek. I withdrew the tissue I had brought for my own tears and gave it to her. People in sorrows forget the customary politeness, she didn't thank me for my generous offer and I didn't mind.

She took me in the journey I was so familiar with, the sweet aches of love; the soaring in feelings like heavens is just next door; and then the ultimate reality making one fall with loudest thud that not only breaks one's heart but shatters one's soul too beyond repair. She stood abruptly and muttered a soft sorry for shedding her sorrows on me and left. She moved like a big block of lead weighted down by sorrow but looking at her I knew she was not one big block but a thousand splinters trying to come together to form the same old being.

I had gone to the park to cry my sorrows away but landed up with eyes too stunned to cry yet carrying double the lead in my soft heart. Right after reaching home, I flung myself on the bed and cried, for myself and also for that broken being I met in the park.