"Mama," she said sobbing,
"my eyes are wet
and I'm looking out of the window
for you to return home."
She sobs some more.
I stifle my sobs
tears cascading ceaselessly.
"Baby,I'll come home,
I'll come home soon,"
is all I say
for sorrow has drowned my words.
A year has gone by.
My little girl has grown
she smiles and laughs
and plays without me.
But when I close my eyes
I see her eyes are wet
and she is looking out of the window
for me to return home.
I sob ceaselessly.
write
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Language barrier?.....no problem!
A motherly looking lady walked in while I sat gazing at the choo-choo train in the children's park. Many days I've sat in the train and imagined going chaga-chaga-choo-choo all the way back home. I would have tried climbing in the airplane see-saw too but that's too small for my motherly butt, so I spared that poor airplane.
"Hi" she said with a smile that warned me "I don't speak any English!"I replied with a mighty smile that told her "I want to have a conversation with anybody, even a stranger who speaks no English." She understood I guess. She asked something in her language, ignoring what she was talking about, I asked," Spanish?" "Si," she replied with a lovely smile. "I don't (I shook my head vigorously to drive home the point) speak Spanish, only ENGLISH( I said English louder than the rest). She made a pout to tell me there was no chance for any conversation between us.
I didn't want to give up so easily. Loneliness can be so intriguing at times that it could bring the stranger in you alive; I've never been much of a conversationalist but how long can one survive, talking with oneself? I needed company. I needed somebody to talk to. Anybody would do, even this stranger who didn't share a common language with me.I wasn't going to give up so easily.
"You've baby?" I asked, thinking the word 'kids' or children would be too difficult for her to comprehend. "Bha-be?" she asked back. Hhatever! I knew she understood. "Si! uno,"she smiled. A person smiles a lot when in a tight situation like the two of us were in. She pointed to me,she was asking the same to me my instinct told me. "dos" I replied with my two fingers up in case my pronunciation failed the counting in Spanish I had picked from listening to Ricky Martin's song. The song played in my head.
She took out her cell phone and showed me her daughter's picture and I did the same. It is an amazing discovery that we spent two hours together in the park and shared details about each other despite the language barrier.
I learnt she is from El Salvador, mother of one and her daughter was left with her parents. She knew I'm from Bhutan and that I miss my daughters a lot. Other than that we even managed to talk about the weather, how hot and humid it was and where we lived in the neighborhood and landed up with the promise that we would meet again the next day too.
As we waved 'bye's, I walked back with the realization that maybe she too needed somebody to talk to about her daughter just like me. How amazing it is that mothers need no language to talk about their kids even with strangers who do not speak your language.
"Hi" she said with a smile that warned me "I don't speak any English!"I replied with a mighty smile that told her "I want to have a conversation with anybody, even a stranger who speaks no English." She understood I guess. She asked something in her language, ignoring what she was talking about, I asked," Spanish?" "Si," she replied with a lovely smile. "I don't (I shook my head vigorously to drive home the point) speak Spanish, only ENGLISH( I said English louder than the rest). She made a pout to tell me there was no chance for any conversation between us.
I didn't want to give up so easily. Loneliness can be so intriguing at times that it could bring the stranger in you alive; I've never been much of a conversationalist but how long can one survive, talking with oneself? I needed company. I needed somebody to talk to. Anybody would do, even this stranger who didn't share a common language with me.I wasn't going to give up so easily.
"You've baby?" I asked, thinking the word 'kids' or children would be too difficult for her to comprehend. "Bha-be?" she asked back. Hhatever! I knew she understood. "Si! uno,"she smiled. A person smiles a lot when in a tight situation like the two of us were in. She pointed to me,she was asking the same to me my instinct told me. "dos" I replied with my two fingers up in case my pronunciation failed the counting in Spanish I had picked from listening to Ricky Martin's song. The song played in my head.
She took out her cell phone and showed me her daughter's picture and I did the same. It is an amazing discovery that we spent two hours together in the park and shared details about each other despite the language barrier.
I learnt she is from El Salvador, mother of one and her daughter was left with her parents. She knew I'm from Bhutan and that I miss my daughters a lot. Other than that we even managed to talk about the weather, how hot and humid it was and where we lived in the neighborhood and landed up with the promise that we would meet again the next day too.
As we waved 'bye's, I walked back with the realization that maybe she too needed somebody to talk to about her daughter just like me. How amazing it is that mothers need no language to talk about their kids even with strangers who do not speak your language.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Pet names and Nick names
"Mam...ma....," I like the long dragging 'aaaaaa' sound that my daughter puts in whenever she calls out for me. I guess even she knows this unique style she has adopted. Two of us were in our kitchen garden, weeding and marveling at the tiny saplings sprouting in our small patch of land. She called out to me, wanting to show something that had caught her eye but she suddenly realized her unique way of addressing me and said," Dema calls out 'mam...ma'( abruptly ending at the last 'a') while I say 'mam...maaaaa'" She giggled at her own absurd way of addressing me. But I see a powerful adoration in that elongated 'aaaaaaaaaaa' at the end.
Growing up in a household filled with my dad's pretty sisters robbed me of any loving pet names my mom could have thought of. My ugliness earned me the pet name 'bagarmo'(I guess that means 'ugly'). My mom and all my family members( not my dad, he never used that on me although he believed that my mom was beautiful while I was not) called me by that name. I started my journey of hating myself since my childhood, for I longed to have not just a pretty face but a pretty pet name too.
After I joined school, I met many people with different nicknames. I figured out that only those who were popular had nicknames. I longed for a nickname silently(but I didn't want people in school to call me 'bagarmo' no, no).
My wish was finally fulfilled when I reached class five. My science teacher ( maybe he was tired of teaching and wanted a break??) instead of our bones and flesh lesson, started talking about nicknames. "You see( he used this phrase frequently, actually he used that even when there was nothing for us to see), people remember you if you have an interesting nickname," I totally agreed with him and I nodded my head hoping that he would notice my enthusiasm and give me a nickname. "So, let's give nicknames to everybody in the class( we knew that everybody in the class didn't include him, he was called 'psycho' behind his back; so why would anybody give him any other nicknames?).Actually in those days none of the teachers were spared of nicknames. Students would find something or the other to make fun of the teachers.
My smile broadened more than my mouth allowed, I changed my seat with my friend who was sitting in front of me, so that I could get my nickname fast. It didn't go unnoticed,"this girl is always hopping around the class, she should be called grasshopper," our sir called out.Lo! I had my first official nickname. But I hated that name. When I wished for a nick name I was thinking of something pretty not 'grasshopper'(GROSS!).
It took me two fights in the class to stop people from calling me by that name. So in a week's time I lost my much wished for opportunity. Maybe, my friends thought I had something against nicknames(after those fights..nobody fought with that big boy I picked a fight with. Well, getting enrolled in Tae Kwon Do classes boosted my ego I guess) they never dared to give me another nickname.
I finished my primary school days and joined another school for High School. I still have not been able to figure out why I chose to sing on the stage during the freshers' nite. My voice sounds so pathetic even when I'm having a normal conversation,and I had the guts to sing in front of the whole school! Well, thanks to that gut instinct I got my second nickname, the title of the song I sang,'yuck!'would you call that a nickname. Well, my friends never called me by that name. It was only used by people to tease me( maybe, now when I look back, they were making fun of my voice quality and not the song). I never responded well to that nickname, so I lost that too in a year's time.
I changed my school after completing my ICSE. In my new school, by then I guess I was grown up and didn't want any nicknames. But there was another girl in my class who was my namesake. Unfortunately I was shorter so whenever people asked for us, they would use the gesture of tall? or short?. It pained me to see people asking for me leveling their hands to their armpit while there would be hands raised above their head, some even extended themselves on their toes to drive home the point that they were looking for the other one. Ultimately, somebody gave us the suffix 'lambu' and 'chotu'. It was kind of cute, people calling me chotu. It wasn't pretty but I found it laughably cute. So even during my NIE days, whenever I sent letters to my classmates, I would sign my name with 'chotu' attached to it.
After formally becoming a teacher and a mother of two, I lost the 'chotu' tag. But now my ordeal of hunting for a nickname or pet name has ended. I'm too old for my family to think of a pet name for me but I know I stand dangerously in the area where people would not escape nicknames. Every school I work in, I dread getting a nasty nickname from my students(Luckily I haven't earned any till date,hope so!).
However, my daughter's calling out 'mam....maaaaaa' is the sweetest sound my ears perk up to.My long wished for a pet name lovingly called is fulfilled I guess.
Growing up in a household filled with my dad's pretty sisters robbed me of any loving pet names my mom could have thought of. My ugliness earned me the pet name 'bagarmo'(I guess that means 'ugly'). My mom and all my family members( not my dad, he never used that on me although he believed that my mom was beautiful while I was not) called me by that name. I started my journey of hating myself since my childhood, for I longed to have not just a pretty face but a pretty pet name too.
After I joined school, I met many people with different nicknames. I figured out that only those who were popular had nicknames. I longed for a nickname silently(but I didn't want people in school to call me 'bagarmo' no, no).
My wish was finally fulfilled when I reached class five. My science teacher ( maybe he was tired of teaching and wanted a break??) instead of our bones and flesh lesson, started talking about nicknames. "You see( he used this phrase frequently, actually he used that even when there was nothing for us to see), people remember you if you have an interesting nickname," I totally agreed with him and I nodded my head hoping that he would notice my enthusiasm and give me a nickname. "So, let's give nicknames to everybody in the class( we knew that everybody in the class didn't include him, he was called 'psycho' behind his back; so why would anybody give him any other nicknames?).Actually in those days none of the teachers were spared of nicknames. Students would find something or the other to make fun of the teachers.
My smile broadened more than my mouth allowed, I changed my seat with my friend who was sitting in front of me, so that I could get my nickname fast. It didn't go unnoticed,"this girl is always hopping around the class, she should be called grasshopper," our sir called out.Lo! I had my first official nickname. But I hated that name. When I wished for a nick name I was thinking of something pretty not 'grasshopper'(GROSS!).
It took me two fights in the class to stop people from calling me by that name. So in a week's time I lost my much wished for opportunity. Maybe, my friends thought I had something against nicknames(after those fights..nobody fought with that big boy I picked a fight with. Well, getting enrolled in Tae Kwon Do classes boosted my ego I guess) they never dared to give me another nickname.
I finished my primary school days and joined another school for High School. I still have not been able to figure out why I chose to sing on the stage during the freshers' nite. My voice sounds so pathetic even when I'm having a normal conversation,and I had the guts to sing in front of the whole school! Well, thanks to that gut instinct I got my second nickname, the title of the song I sang,'yuck!'would you call that a nickname. Well, my friends never called me by that name. It was only used by people to tease me( maybe, now when I look back, they were making fun of my voice quality and not the song). I never responded well to that nickname, so I lost that too in a year's time.
I changed my school after completing my ICSE. In my new school, by then I guess I was grown up and didn't want any nicknames. But there was another girl in my class who was my namesake. Unfortunately I was shorter so whenever people asked for us, they would use the gesture of tall? or short?. It pained me to see people asking for me leveling their hands to their armpit while there would be hands raised above their head, some even extended themselves on their toes to drive home the point that they were looking for the other one. Ultimately, somebody gave us the suffix 'lambu' and 'chotu'. It was kind of cute, people calling me chotu. It wasn't pretty but I found it laughably cute. So even during my NIE days, whenever I sent letters to my classmates, I would sign my name with 'chotu' attached to it.
After formally becoming a teacher and a mother of two, I lost the 'chotu' tag. But now my ordeal of hunting for a nickname or pet name has ended. I'm too old for my family to think of a pet name for me but I know I stand dangerously in the area where people would not escape nicknames. Every school I work in, I dread getting a nasty nickname from my students(Luckily I haven't earned any till date,hope so!).
However, my daughter's calling out 'mam....maaaaaa' is the sweetest sound my ears perk up to.My long wished for a pet name lovingly called is fulfilled I guess.
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