Dear li'l Ones,
This is mama here, with eyes unable to latch in the tears of missing the two of you, wishing she was with you guys snoring in that li'l world of ours- holding your tiny fingers; regretting her decision of leaving you all to pursue her dreams of no horizon.
Everyday is a new ordeal for me as I fight hard with my heart not to miss you, my angels. I try myraids of ways to shield my weeping heart from pain. I open my laptop, get locked in conversation who have touched me in their different ways but this talks never soothes the part in my heart where I've made a cozy home for the two of you.
As I sit here typing this, I know two of you are fast asleep unaware of this heart beating in pain, imagining herself beside the two of you, your tiny fingers clasping my fingers tightly. I see the two of you, smiling,playing new tricks you have learnt in my absence, I smile too but as soon as your image fades from the click of a button, I cry thousand galloons of tears remembering each move you made.
'Children are selfish,'one of my friend told me,'they forget you as soon as you are gone from their sight.' But I know somewhere in the dead of the night, in your tiny eyes you hold the dreams of me dancing with you. I know as you put any morsel of food in your mouth, you miss the love in the hands that fed you. In the darkest hour of the night, you miss the warm hands that pressed on your cheek to feel the beauty of our relationship.
Even when away from the two of you I never forget to thank God for giving me the chance to mother the two of you. I feel blessed that I've two of you to hold my hands during my old age but I am sorry dear that right now I am not there to hold your tiny hands. Each moment feels like an eternity of endless eternity and I cry, sighing n sobbing missing you and hating the moment I decided to leave the two of you.
Parents are selfish sometimes but my dear li'l ones you must understand its for the two of you I took this decision but now I am getting the feeling that I must have been insane to think of future when I am missing the best of our present.
Whatever it is, mama misses both of you a lot, I love you my Angels.
Mama.
Very touching. I could feel the pain in you. But be strong you are not alone in the list of selfish parents... I hope your kids will forgive you, more than they forget you. I appreciate that you regret your decision. Many don't. They miss the best part of their life chasing their dreams.
ReplyDeleteI once went on training for seven days and it took my daughter two days to forgive me(http://writebhutan.blogspot.com/2010/07/my-daughter-forgave-me.html). Then I promised I will never leave her. She grows every day and I enjoy watching her... As I sleep holding my daughter's tiny fingers I will pray for you.
Thank you so much for your comforting words, I know only a parent who loves their children same I do will understand my pain.
ReplyDeleteI hope they forgive me and i also hope to make haste in returning way back home.