Divorce

I logged into facebook, the only bridge that closes the deep gorge of lonely life I'm leading currently. No friends were online, actually many of my friends don't appear online these days, I blame it on the time difference and never let the ugly thought that they have forgotten me creep in me. When I've no one to chat with I browse through all kinds of psychics and here is what Anita had to say,"Darling, the experiences you've had in life can help to inspire others who need your help. It'll be in the way you express your words to get through to them. You'll create good changes."I stopped, cancelled the page, again clicked on it and re-read the page and was left wondering what experience do I talk about to inspire others. What could a bitter lonely soul teach others? Hey, then I realized, 'I wasn't bitter like this all the time.'
My childhood days were the best days of my life, I'm sure everybody would say,'what's the big deal, everybody's childhood days are the best.' But my weeping heart knows the transformation my life has taken and the different soul that took birth in my living soul, replacing the smart bubbly girl to a repulsive pessimist grown up.
The words of my neighbors still echoes deep in the recesses of my memory world,"This girl will do well in life." I knew it just like my neighbors knew that I was born to achieve the zenith of success with ease. I loved the powerful adoration in my dad's eyes when he showed my progress report to anybody who visited our place. Which parent wouldn't feel proud f a daughter who brought the letter 'I' written in bold letter in the space where position is to be filled for all three terms( back in those days we used to have first term, second term and finals). 
Not only was my academic performance excellent I had my dad's sense of humor too. I liked narrating 'humjaiga' stories and had my friends sitting in circles with there funny bones all ticklish with the jokes I told them. 
On losar and other occasions, I would be the first one to stand and dance to entertain people. I remember earning a huge sum of money from my relatives and neighbors during losars. 
But real life is no fairytale and my fairytale life ended with the bond between my dad and mom. They seperated and all my above mentioned traits vanished. It was like a boon granted to me so long as my parents lived together.
My academic performance dwindled. Studies didn't interest me anymore. 'Humjaiga' tales were buried so deep that even if I wanted to I would have been able to retrieve it. Dances became few and songs stopped touching my soul.
My parents unaware of the fact that a soul was drowning in the pool of their divorce were entangled in re-building their own lives. As they got immersed in their new lives, they lost the daughter they had in me. Craving for their attention, unknowingly seeking for love that my parents could never shower on me, I realized I had become like a hungry ghoul searching for love and drowning deeper into the cocoon of negativity whenever I failed to get one.
Today, I view anybody who talks of love with repulsion. I think they are another BIG LIAR waiting to pounce on some innocent souls. I've become a bitter and the biggest pessimist. Divorce killed the good human that I would have grown into.
But I know better than to blame my parents. Now that I am a parent myself I understand the decisions they have taken in life in a new way but that doesn't bring back to life what they killed in me long time ago.
So, with this story I don't want people to sympathize my ugly life but I want each of us to think of the souls we would be killing in pursuit of our selfish happiness. Many a times I wonder about MARRIAGE and DIVORCE. One day we feel that if the person who has captured our heart does not become a part of us, we would never be complete and how after few years of togetherness that same person seems like the cancer growing in our body. Why does marriage block the faucet of love from flowing? If we have dared to marry this person why can't we choose to commit ourselves to this person come what may? Whatever! Maybe, I can think of the ordeal of marriage and remaining married for some other time to ponder upon.