My brother's marraige to my stepmom's niece was a well-orchestrated move made by her. She had her place as the Head of the family even after my father's demise. It was like a play being staged: my mathang makes her entry and a month after that my father makes his exit.
Although not moved by his expected departure,I feel the last thread of my strength ebbing. But with the need to be grateful to my brother's initiative of trying to unite the whole family, I slog under two conspiring blobs of inhumane women.
Moreover, there is a toddler whose need for a proper home is much important than my well- being. But my li'l brother too makes a hasty exit from our play. I've heard people say that some women's curse does work miracles and I get to see it live.My stepmom and her niece start their day with,"shelay manawa waktsa niktsing!" I don't know anything about the sciences of diseases so my only diagnosis of my li'l one's death is the venomous curse of the two women in our family.
In the darkness, I keep staring at the calender hanging on the wall. I can't read what's in there but I do understand that it gets replaced with another such hanging when the year changes.
When we first stepped in this house, on a similar kind of hanging was a picture of Guru Rinpoche. Every night I would stare at his eyes and question him the reasons of my existence. Each time I raise my query, my li'l brother stirred beside me.I accepted that was Guru Rinpoche's answer-that I need to live for the tiny toddler breathing next to me. And heavy with the sense of responsibility I would drop asleep.
It had been few months since Guru Rinpoche was replaced by a picture of four animals placed atop one another.I remembered seeing a similar picture in the lhakhang of our village and in one of the innner walls of Aum Lhamo's house.
I never felt I could ask the same question about my existence to these four animals so I silently gazed at them night after night as if by doing so I would somehow get an answer from them.
It was one dark night, the four animals came alive and talked to me.
"We are called Thuenpa Puenzhi," they spoke with such kindness that it melted my heart and drops of it ensued form my eyes.
"Don't cry li'l one," the mighty elephant patted me with its trunk. "Go, I give you my mighty strength to shoulder any kind of tasks."
Amid snifling sobs I felt a naughty tickle under my armpit. It was the monkey."Here li'l one, I give you my swiftness to be able to jump from any obstacle you might have to face."
I wiped my tears. The rabbit came hopping and in its most tender voice blessed me with the strength of love while the bird gave me the strength to fly and cross nine mountains and oceans.
I opened my eyes and met the gaze of my the four animals on the wall. It was just a dream!
But I wondered, what kind of tasks waited for me? What more obstacles did I have to overcome?Why would I need the strength of love? Where would I go crossing nine mountains and oceans????
(to be continued)
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