I just want to cry.

What do I write about? What is my imagination cooking? what thoughts are running in my blood?

Well, I pinched myself!Ouch! that surely hurt! But Why am I feeling so dead? I walk outside in the sweltering heat and try to sweat out all my numbness. I return red in the face, stinking like a pig. Now let me take a bath. The cold water might do me good. I soap and scrub all the last bit of sweat and grime yet I don't feel the freshness I want to feel.

Illusions of emotions is what I need I think. I pick up my book and start from my bookmarked page. Nope! I can't relate to the character. The characters are dull puppets, they evoke no feelings in my heart. I throw the book with a vengeance. Thud! it lands on the floor. I don't even give it a second glance. There is no guilt in discarding my favorite book.

I turn on the TV. Some songs might do wonders I wish. The music blares loud, yet it doesn't touch my soul. I put off the TV but do not throw the remote, can't risk breaking that.

I switch on the laptop. Click on some friends. I find the same coldness from my friends too. Either they are too busy with others or I have suddenly turned invisible I am yet to learn. Not wanting to tax anybody for my deathlike numbness; I clank on the keyboard.

But what do I write about? What am I feeling? Surely i must be dead already for I feel no emotions running inside me today. Suddenly I feel a warm tingle down my cheek. I find myself crying. I see my tears. It makes me cry more. So I cry.

I think I badly need to cry today...so, maybe I should stop typing this and get back to my crying. Atleast I know I am not dead, not today, for I am crying! Yes I am.