Don't let the title mislead you! This 'I' has nothing to do with me. This 'I' are the kids I met with, this summer break. READBHUTAN had been kind enough to give me the opportunity to work with children of grade 5-12. Working with them on SUMMER WRITING PROGRAM has brought tremendous shower of blessings in my heart.
I have always believed that there are stories in every heart and the writer who is going to write these stories aren't anywhere far, it is right there dwelling in our heart, right beside our stories. Working with these kids, nudging them to bring out the writers hiding inside them, I truly felt what my heart knew was right. Always!
Reading their stories and seeing it come alive, This particular thought came in my mind and I heard the silent screams from their little hearts saying this:
I can write
Of prince and princesses
In a faraway land
Jostling with life
And eventually living happily ever after.
I can write
Of broken families
And lovelorn lasses.
Of sporty kiddos
And humanly animals.
I can write
Of life’s journey
And the stops in between.
Of living and breathing
And the destination
Of death and beyond.
Yes, I sure can write!
write
Friday, July 11, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Your first steps Ninda!
Dear Ninda,
Today you seem more than eager to use your little feet to get from one end of the room to the other. It’s been a while since you started standing up tall, trying to prove your stand. But, today of all, you have proved that you can go few more steps than you dared until now.
Let me tell you, you are a careful daredevil. At fifteen months, you are more daring than your sisters were at your age. You don’t shy away from riding your bike, pushing it with your tiny hands, trying to propel it forwards.
Your taking the steps today brings me the joy of seeing you step into the world, taking those baby steps into the journey of life. We laugh and we giggle. That drives you to take more steps. You know that we are enjoying what we are seeing.
However, Seated close by, waiting to hold you if you ever fall I feel a sudden sadness creep in. Here, right now, in this room, I am there, all alert! Waiting to hold you if you ever falter. But then these little steps will grow and then when you venture into the big big world, will you have me by your side, waiting to cushion your fall?
How I wish I could be there, watching your every step and be there right beside you to hold you if you ever fall down. Much as I feel this I dread the feeling that in our lives there will come a day when you’ll find my presence beside you more of a nuisance than a comfort. Oh! How it will shatter my heart!
Your movement forward reminds me that these small steps will eventually become the journey into the world, away from this heart, which loves you more than anybody ever will. I wonder if you will ever hear the beats of love from a wilting heart then.
I wonder if the new note of love should overshadows my withered heart, how shall I ever survive that truth?
I know I am being obnoxious now. Let me cast away these fears of the unknown and the unreached and rejoice in what we have for the moment.
Let me laugh with your laughter trickling down in my heart resonating my love for you my son!
With love,
Mama
Today you seem more than eager to use your little feet to get from one end of the room to the other. It’s been a while since you started standing up tall, trying to prove your stand. But, today of all, you have proved that you can go few more steps than you dared until now.
Let me tell you, you are a careful daredevil. At fifteen months, you are more daring than your sisters were at your age. You don’t shy away from riding your bike, pushing it with your tiny hands, trying to propel it forwards.
Your taking the steps today brings me the joy of seeing you step into the world, taking those baby steps into the journey of life. We laugh and we giggle. That drives you to take more steps. You know that we are enjoying what we are seeing.
However, Seated close by, waiting to hold you if you ever fall I feel a sudden sadness creep in. Here, right now, in this room, I am there, all alert! Waiting to hold you if you ever falter. But then these little steps will grow and then when you venture into the big big world, will you have me by your side, waiting to cushion your fall?
How I wish I could be there, watching your every step and be there right beside you to hold you if you ever fall down. Much as I feel this I dread the feeling that in our lives there will come a day when you’ll find my presence beside you more of a nuisance than a comfort. Oh! How it will shatter my heart!
Your movement forward reminds me that these small steps will eventually become the journey into the world, away from this heart, which loves you more than anybody ever will. I wonder if you will ever hear the beats of love from a wilting heart then.
I wonder if the new note of love should overshadows my withered heart, how shall I ever survive that truth?
I know I am being obnoxious now. Let me cast away these fears of the unknown and the unreached and rejoice in what we have for the moment.
Let me laugh with your laughter trickling down in my heart resonating my love for you my son!
With love,
Mama
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
A Mother's realization
Feels like ages it's been since I last logged in here. LIfe's journey indeed is filled with such unknown bends in the road that swerving and maneuvering into the smooth track takes time. Since the end of 2013, life has taken me by sudden grip of surprises that I never thought I would survive the tussle but here I'm today, feeling anew and better indeed.
Having to suddenly change the ritualistic life that you lead for almost ten years can be a nerve-jerker ( and ofcourse tear-jerker) moments. Since day one of 2014 I've been knocking on various doors, pleading them to help me retain my sanity by bestowing me the opportunity of not having to choose between my career and my family. People who have known me already knew what option I would grab but they also knew with what intensity I've been passionate about my job. Teaching has never been a bread earning option for me. I've always taken pride in being in love with my career option and today looking back i take double pride in knowing that I've lived nine and a half years of my teaching years learning more than what i had been teaching. I learnt love that transcends the boundary of one's home. I learnt about patience that comes knocking even when you are seething in anger. I learnt the beauty of life in the innocence of little kids.
There were moments in these five months time period, I cursed my fate, sobbing in the dark dismal nights. I thought ill of the officials who denied me my transfer thereby leaving with me with no options but to choose to voluntarily resign from the job that meant more than religion to me. "We are pleased to accept the voluntary resignation...." I read and re-read this line in the acceptance letter from the Ministry and wished they could hear my sighs and realize that while they were pleased to let me go, my 'voluntary resignation' was actually forced by their inconsiderate declaration.
For the first time in my life, I realized that nights were better to hide the anguish of such pains for sleep would supersede the anguish. But day times were more brutal! Whole day, sitting in the house, performing the chores like a zombie, I would think of my teacher friends in their classroom. Suddenly while sweeping the floor, I would rush to bring in the mob for the floor would be sprinkled with my tears.
But today, the tap of tears have run dry. I don't cry over what I chose to let go. I knew it was the toughest decision of my life but I've chosen the right option. I shudder to imagine had i chosen the other option what misery I would be under right now. Come to think of it, had i chosen my career I would have left my daughters and gone away just with my son and a babysitter. In that new place, instead of playing the teacher's role that I always thought I was good at, I would have been wondering and aching for my daughters. Heaven forbid! If one of them had fallen sick in my absence, it would have killed me. So that way I would not have made any contribution to my workplace.
Today, taking pictures of my little son who just turned one I feel I'm living every nuances of his tiny world. I love the fact that my daughters get to cuddle me when they need to and they are still eating the meals that I cook for them. I take delight in the fact that every moment they need me; I'm nearby, holding them, loving them and ensuring they are well taken care of.
This has nothing to do with the religion that I follow but I do believe that every child we women get to mother comes to us not a result of some animalistic natural craving but these tiny lives walking hand in hand with Angels in the kingdom of heaven are given the freedom to choose the womb they want to nestle in. And with their chubby tiny fingers and pink pout, they tell Almighty the God to send them to the ONE they turn towards. I'm super blessed because three little cherubs chose my fat womb to carry them. and in gratification for this opportunity of motherhood they have bestowed on me, I choose to play a mother and let go of my career.
And an inexplicable joy surrounds me like a halo of enlightenment. I'm jobless! But, I'm not workless! I work for my children and I'm happy. So, I no longer curse my previous employer nor do I cry for want of money. I'm contended in this small world I've set myself in. My children have me, I've them and we are happy!
Having to suddenly change the ritualistic life that you lead for almost ten years can be a nerve-jerker ( and ofcourse tear-jerker) moments. Since day one of 2014 I've been knocking on various doors, pleading them to help me retain my sanity by bestowing me the opportunity of not having to choose between my career and my family. People who have known me already knew what option I would grab but they also knew with what intensity I've been passionate about my job. Teaching has never been a bread earning option for me. I've always taken pride in being in love with my career option and today looking back i take double pride in knowing that I've lived nine and a half years of my teaching years learning more than what i had been teaching. I learnt love that transcends the boundary of one's home. I learnt about patience that comes knocking even when you are seething in anger. I learnt the beauty of life in the innocence of little kids.
There were moments in these five months time period, I cursed my fate, sobbing in the dark dismal nights. I thought ill of the officials who denied me my transfer thereby leaving with me with no options but to choose to voluntarily resign from the job that meant more than religion to me. "We are pleased to accept the voluntary resignation...." I read and re-read this line in the acceptance letter from the Ministry and wished they could hear my sighs and realize that while they were pleased to let me go, my 'voluntary resignation' was actually forced by their inconsiderate declaration.
For the first time in my life, I realized that nights were better to hide the anguish of such pains for sleep would supersede the anguish. But day times were more brutal! Whole day, sitting in the house, performing the chores like a zombie, I would think of my teacher friends in their classroom. Suddenly while sweeping the floor, I would rush to bring in the mob for the floor would be sprinkled with my tears.
But today, the tap of tears have run dry. I don't cry over what I chose to let go. I knew it was the toughest decision of my life but I've chosen the right option. I shudder to imagine had i chosen the other option what misery I would be under right now. Come to think of it, had i chosen my career I would have left my daughters and gone away just with my son and a babysitter. In that new place, instead of playing the teacher's role that I always thought I was good at, I would have been wondering and aching for my daughters. Heaven forbid! If one of them had fallen sick in my absence, it would have killed me. So that way I would not have made any contribution to my workplace.
Today, taking pictures of my little son who just turned one I feel I'm living every nuances of his tiny world. I love the fact that my daughters get to cuddle me when they need to and they are still eating the meals that I cook for them. I take delight in the fact that every moment they need me; I'm nearby, holding them, loving them and ensuring they are well taken care of.
This has nothing to do with the religion that I follow but I do believe that every child we women get to mother comes to us not a result of some animalistic natural craving but these tiny lives walking hand in hand with Angels in the kingdom of heaven are given the freedom to choose the womb they want to nestle in. And with their chubby tiny fingers and pink pout, they tell Almighty the God to send them to the ONE they turn towards. I'm super blessed because three little cherubs chose my fat womb to carry them. and in gratification for this opportunity of motherhood they have bestowed on me, I choose to play a mother and let go of my career.
And an inexplicable joy surrounds me like a halo of enlightenment. I'm jobless! But, I'm not workless! I work for my children and I'm happy. So, I no longer curse my previous employer nor do I cry for want of money. I'm contended in this small world I've set myself in. My children have me, I've them and we are happy!
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