It's a strange relationship

He was nine and I was nineteen when we met for the first time. Wearing specks with lens as thick as an old man's, he would smile at me from under it. Sitting right under my nose he won my heart with the first ever comment he made. In all my glory I was delivering a speech on how I am gonna be a different kinda teacher for my li'l ones and inorder to ensure they synced with my idea, I told them to take me in whatever form they wanted," a friend, aunty, or mother!" Too much for my glorious speech. This li'l guy put an end to my speech with his cute innocent remark," stepmom miss?"


Since then he has been very close to my heart. Somehow I always felt that motherly love for him. Now, don't get me wrong here people, I never intended to become his stepmom, not at any cost. But every morning as his smile greeted me I felt that exulted feelings only a mother is capable of feeling. I was his class teacher for two years. In those two years we got very close. I wasn't biased, I was good to all my students but this particular li'l boy somehow took a larger chunk of my heart for his home.


Occasionally I visited his mom and sister too and his li'l sister who was barely a toddler developed instant liking to me. Even she would squirm," Miss, Miss!" whenever she saw me. Such was our love.


After those two years, we drifted apart. I left that place. After joining that new place I never got any mails from him but I knew he would think of me for I thought of him a lot. I would talk about him to anybody who was all ears for my blabbering.


After a decade we met again. Well, not physically. We met in FB. He had somehow found me. That proves he had never forgotten me too. Chatting for the first time, we caught up on the lost years. He told me he is in an Engineering college in South India and told me about where all he had been in a decade's time. I told him about my kids and the schools I had served. We promised to meet when he came for vacation. That was agreed.


Call it our destiny, he is currently in the same place I had to be in owing to some untoward circumstances. Again we meet in FB and too excited to know we are in one state,we exchange our phone numbers. He calls me immediately after I punch my numbers. "I don't know what to call you, Miss or Madam?" is the first line he says in his not the voice that I remember. And we both feel the connection that we have always felt.

Dear Ugyen, this is for you. I am immensely happy to have talked to you yet at the same time deeply sorrowed by the present state you are in. My li'l one, this mother of yours mothered you before I mothered my real kids. I know God knows my motherly love for you and this love will turn into sincere prayers to get you back to the Ugyen I always remember, smiling cutie pie, as I always called you.

I just want to cry.

What do I write about? What is my imagination cooking? what thoughts are running in my blood?

Well, I pinched myself!Ouch! that surely hurt! But Why am I feeling so dead? I walk outside in the sweltering heat and try to sweat out all my numbness. I return red in the face, stinking like a pig. Now let me take a bath. The cold water might do me good. I soap and scrub all the last bit of sweat and grime yet I don't feel the freshness I want to feel.

Illusions of emotions is what I need I think. I pick up my book and start from my bookmarked page. Nope! I can't relate to the character. The characters are dull puppets, they evoke no feelings in my heart. I throw the book with a vengeance. Thud! it lands on the floor. I don't even give it a second glance. There is no guilt in discarding my favorite book.

I turn on the TV. Some songs might do wonders I wish. The music blares loud, yet it doesn't touch my soul. I put off the TV but do not throw the remote, can't risk breaking that.

I switch on the laptop. Click on some friends. I find the same coldness from my friends too. Either they are too busy with others or I have suddenly turned invisible I am yet to learn. Not wanting to tax anybody for my deathlike numbness; I clank on the keyboard.

But what do I write about? What am I feeling? Surely i must be dead already for I feel no emotions running inside me today. Suddenly I feel a warm tingle down my cheek. I find myself crying. I see my tears. It makes me cry more. So I cry.

I think I badly need to cry today...so, maybe I should stop typing this and get back to my crying. Atleast I know I am not dead, not today, for I am crying! Yes I am.

My mom

My mom, every time I looked at her, I have always asked,"why didn't I get your face?" But she smiles at me and never forgets to tell me,"girls who take on thier father's look are lucky ones."
Not that I despise my father's look, he is a handsome man indeed. But the way people still cast a second glance as she walks in the street I surely could do with a tiny bit of that fascination(not to be taken seriously!wink!)

"I remember your mom, fair skinned and the pink lipstick she wore always made me think she belongs in Hollywood," an acquaintance from my village remarks. Meeting this person at workplace was a pleasant surprise and I was more pleased knowing she remembered my mom in such beautiful way. I raised my face up and replied," she is still the same."

Few days ago she had come to Thimphu and one of my friend who heard about it texted me,"How is she?" Without wasting another second, I replied," Beautiful!" It is a thing of pride to have a mother who looks younger than yourself. Wheneever we walk in town together, people never think of us as a mother daughter duo. Thank God! Till date nobody asked if I was the elder of the two of us! Actually a close look at us warrants that statement.

I am of heavy built stature while she is skinny. I am tanned and murky while she is fair and glowing. I am more of junkie fan while she strongly believes in healthy diet. I would prefer a nook of a bed and laze around whenever possible while she would stick to her yoga asans and move around to keep herself fit.


(Ssshhhh! She is snoring peacefully beside me as I am typing this). Let me say a quick prayer to God before I take my place beside her and get lost into oblivion. Dear God,give me the same mom in my next life too and please, I don't want to be lucky, just give me her looks in my next life.