Tears I've shed a many but this time I know the tears I'm shedding is of the deepest pain a person can ever feel, it's what I would call tears of a mother. Since the day I realized the presence of the tiny life beginning to form in my body things have been different with me. I knew I believed in God for finally he had entered in my life in the form taking shape inside me.
Being in this strange land of people I know nothing about is less haunting when compared to the dread I feel for having left my two kids back home in pursuing the dream of the unseen future. It wasn't a decision I had taken but a decision I had followed for a mother has several other roles to play apart form being a mother. But today after crying for more than a week I have started questioning the very pledge that I had made in my heart of being the BEST MOTHER to my kids.
People I meet here tell me that we are fortunate that with advancement in technology life away from the family has become so easy to cope up with. Whenever I tell them about my wretchedness of missing my kids, they always ask me, "do you skype with them?" and I nod knowing what they are thinking. Although I hear the net lines screaming loudly in my head I can't whisper them to the acquaintances for they would never understand that I miss my kids more after skyping with them. My heart yearns for their presence more as I realize my cold heart shudder immediately after I switch the 'end call' button.
A week has passed but the cough that has taken its firm grip over my li'l daughter has stubbornly withstood its time. I can't bear to see the tiny bandage with a needle pierced in her tiny hands lying in the hospital bed. Maybe that's why my In-Laws don't want to skype with me for they know my heart and its tears. And here I'm typing this with my bleeding heart praying to the God I've always believed in to bless my li'l one with quick recovery.
I don't know why I'm even typing this, am I seeking solace in the words I type, I don't know but solace there is none and I cry more thinking of my tiny darling lying weak and sick in the hospital without me. I cry for having failed in my role of a mother....for having not fought against the other roles to stand by her side when she needs me the most.
Being in this strange land of people I know nothing about is less haunting when compared to the dread I feel for having left my two kids back home in pursuing the dream of the unseen future. It wasn't a decision I had taken but a decision I had followed for a mother has several other roles to play apart form being a mother. But today after crying for more than a week I have started questioning the very pledge that I had made in my heart of being the BEST MOTHER to my kids.
People I meet here tell me that we are fortunate that with advancement in technology life away from the family has become so easy to cope up with. Whenever I tell them about my wretchedness of missing my kids, they always ask me, "do you skype with them?" and I nod knowing what they are thinking. Although I hear the net lines screaming loudly in my head I can't whisper them to the acquaintances for they would never understand that I miss my kids more after skyping with them. My heart yearns for their presence more as I realize my cold heart shudder immediately after I switch the 'end call' button.
A week has passed but the cough that has taken its firm grip over my li'l daughter has stubbornly withstood its time. I can't bear to see the tiny bandage with a needle pierced in her tiny hands lying in the hospital bed. Maybe that's why my In-Laws don't want to skype with me for they know my heart and its tears. And here I'm typing this with my bleeding heart praying to the God I've always believed in to bless my li'l one with quick recovery.
I don't know why I'm even typing this, am I seeking solace in the words I type, I don't know but solace there is none and I cry more thinking of my tiny darling lying weak and sick in the hospital without me. I cry for having failed in my role of a mother....for having not fought against the other roles to stand by her side when she needs me the most.
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