Life is running in slow motion and it seems to be prolonging the sequences of the events that are unfurling. I am old enough to know that life is a mixture of all things good and bad, but why does my life prolong the sad scenes all the time? I get up early in the morning and before any thoughts taint my system I cleanse myself by saying a prayer in my altar, it is a ritual that I follow every morning, except for those five days every month, when I am impure even to confront god. I do not claim any share in the prayers, it’s always for my kids, my husband, my family and others who need those prayers but I am never there; may be that could be one reason God forgets to grant me happiness. By putting this feeling in writing I don’t want to claim my share of happiness but it helps to shed the heaviness of the feeling that treads on me flattening the very reason of my existence. LIFE- Living In Fake Emotions, that’s what exactly I am doing I guess, living my life in the self made fantasy world, when this fake life bursts open I know I’ll be left bare with no emotions to cover any part of my soul. But tell me do I go on living this life with the expectations of this life bursting open any moment. Why can’t I choose the path that is the dead end of all these drudgery of living a fake life? Why can’t God just grant me my death because I don’t want to live any longer on this earth and be a burden on the people near and dear to me? I’m just plainly tired of living a life of hopefulness, which I know will never come true. But the day I stop hoping for a better event I know I would have ceased to be a normal human being, I am a normal human with normal dreams. I dream of a land where there will be smiles and laughter instead of the cold stare of sorrows. But on the other thought, sorrows are so deeply rooted in my being that if I suddenly get happiness I may not know how to live my life, okay, now I see why God never grants me happiness. Thank you God, in the course of typing this piece I got the answer to the question that has been haunting me for so long – welcomes sorrows in al your finery, I am not scared of you anymore.